Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Pile of Shite

Yes, I know I've been lax about updating but for the love of God what can anyone say about digging? You dig, you stop for a fag. You dig. You notice that it's been snowing for ten minutes and you're the only person on site. You say to yourself, ah to hell with it, another half an hour won't hurt.

Actually it was worth it last Saturday as the manure man cometh. He is a tiny chimpanzee in a checked shirt and a marked fen accent, and he approached me because I was the only one on site. (Digression - this reminds me of They Think It's All Over's description of Wayne Rooney: "It's as if someone shaved a monkey and kicked it through a sports shop".

Anyhoo, as of this Sunday just gone I am the proud possessor of a great big steaming pile of horse shite. As I was shovelling it onto a tarpaulin my landlord turned up along with one of the eejits and god love him the lovely Irish eejit gave me a hand. The landlord was also attempting to volunteer, despite gout, a bad back and a lack of forks, because apparently he used to win prizes for the neatness of his mounds back in the day. The things you find out about people.

Covered manure with tarpaulin. Also replaced tarpaulin on shent as it was having a whole Mary Poppins thing going on. Went home, stripped off in front of washing machine and dived into bath. Still hurt two days later. Weather forecast predicts nice mild rainy weather. We're doomed! We're all doomed.


Anonymous Ceratonia said...

"replaced tarpaulin on shent as it was having a whole Mary Poppins thing going on."

Care to elaborate on this for your slower-witted readers (ie me?)

Mary Poppins because it is 'practically perfect in every way'? Or because it likes to hang around in parks with Mockney chimney sweeps?

9:50 am  
Blogger Jooles said...

Well done you!!! Digging eh? Does the delivery of the muck mean you are joining the Bob Flowerdew band and just shovelling it on? As for Mary Poppins - just a spoonful or sugar helps the medicine go down although I've never been one for sugar in my whiskey!! Gord lav as stryke a loight mate - get the bladdy thing pinned daan! Sorry think that was slightly australian - obviously too many commonwealth games!

4:00 pm  
Anonymous worrydoll said...

lol suddenly i'm not as excited about my new plot as i was earlier today. hmm. digging? do people still do that with spades? oh well. if it all goes wrong i'll start a koffie-shop. i like your blog. it made me laugh. x

12:38 pm  
Blogger Amanda said...

I quite enjoy the digging. In fact at the moment it's all I seem to be doing up there. I can see now why workmen just come along and dig a hole in the road. Maybe I will flatten all mine down just so I can dig it again...........or maybe not!! One day I will sow a seed!

9:46 pm  
Blogger clodhopper said...

can't get passed the cereal bowl to dig. could do with a pile of shite tho.

10:21 pm  

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